Save me from Myself.

Today I was reflecting...thinking as I always do. (I swear one day I WILL in fact drown in my thoughts.) And this "idea" dawned on me. It wasn't so much a realization because subconciously I feel that I always knew this but I just needed what I was thinking and feeling to all be condensed into one phrase/statement.

I need to be saved from myself. I am my own worst enemy at this point. It's inspired me to start work on new lyrics to a song which hopefully will rid me of the writer's block I've been experiencing for quite some time now. I wont go into too much detail as to what I am talking about being that it's irrelevant at this point and that is the very problem.

The so called "problem" I've been experiencing is not a problem at all. In fact it's no longer apart of my life and therefore it's irrelevant....the obstacles are my thoughts. I still dwell on the "problem" though its no longer associated to me. Why do I do this? Why do I allow myself to think, dwell, mull, ponder on something that has no more relevance.

I thought to myself... "It would make sense if the "problem" was still in fact part of my everyday life. And it isn't. It's gone. It has left for the most part and yet I still think and FEEL. (feeling has been my own worst enemy as well)

I'm pretty sure I am wasting my time giving this "problem" so much of my time. It is certainly not affecting me as much as it was. But it's still there....like a tick. It's affecting my emotions, my thoughts and I get angry with myself because I know I need to just forget it...give it up. But I can't seem to do the very act.

I have been able to control my actions how I act towards the very problem but my thoughts and emotions have been a much harder force to control. It feels damn near impossible. And I feel that in order to really reach my goal of release this is the next step and I cant accomplish it. It's a tough mountain to climb. A hard obstacle that still stands in my way.

Why am I still stuck in this rut? I do acknowledge and appreciate the fact that I have come leaps and bounds but I am still nonetheless very stuck.  And it's all do to me. I cannot point the blame towards any direction but to myself. And that's the worst. Getting angry and fed up with yourself knowing you are STUCK with you forever. Save me from myself.