"Fearless-ness"

  This phrase, idea, whatever you care to call it has been boggling my mind endlesslessly for quite some time now and I wanna let it out. Thank goodness I have a blog to do just that. haha. Okay, so where do I begin. I observed that a year ago I lived without fear. Last year was a peak for me because I just didn't care. point blank. I was living my life for me. For my personal enjoyment and that was it. I wasn't trying to please others, I had fun for myself and those who cared to join me in the fun did....those who didn't could very well....simply put, "go kick rocks." I was content.... no actually I was completely happy with myself as a whole. There were no worries or anxieties. I was floating on top of piles of happiness.  Just picturing that makes me giggle.
  Anyways, that was last year....my seventeen year old being....now this year being eighteen has been rocky to say the least. I can accurately state that I am living in fear.I have lost a strong sense of myself and I am searching for that place of contentment once again. I don't know if this is a phase or a stage of getting older. But I feel very disheveled most days and I just want smooth sailing. I need to get rid of the doubt, fear, anxiety....I know this is not the way to live however these feelings habitually creep into my system and drive me NUTS! simply put.
  I'm tired of living in confinement and negativity. I'm tired of the "what ifs" and "can'ts" and "impossible's." Life has a funny way of working with you, Though several boulders have come my way this year, I still want to keep the optimism alive and vivid in my life to push them away. With the bit of faith and motivitation I have, I want to keep pushing for the good. I know it can happen slowly but surely. I've made a pact with myself, no matter what happens from here on out....I will stay focused towards the light and all will be ok.

I just thought of this as I was writing, It's corny but I like it. lol
NERD says, "Sooner or later, it all comes crashing down..." Yes, I believe that's true, but once you're down there's no other way to look but up.

"Give It Up To Me" Currently on Repeat.


"Nothing too big or small


Anything you want you can make it yours

Anything you want in the world

Anything you want in the world"

-Shakira